Often, we have the clarity on what we want but we can’t muster up the courage to speak out for ourselves.
A client of mine knew very well that she has low energy post lunch at around 2pm. Yet, she finds it very difficult to get up from a family gathering and say “I’m going to go take rest for a while”.
Another client, knew clearly she doesn’t want to say yes to a family function proposed as she had a work commitment . But she couldn’t say no 👎🏼. When I asked her ‘Why?’ She said ‘I don’t know, I didn’t want them to think I’m being rude?’
It’s okay if we are saying ‘Yes’ once or twice but what to do if it’s a pattern in us? 👇🏼
Isn’t this the case for most of us? We fear judgement. Many of us are conditioned to be people pleasers. We feel guilty if we say no, so we end up saying yes. But the better question to ask yourself is “how will you feel when you say yes to them?” And sometimes the answer is ‘Bitter’.
If saying no makes you feel guilty, saying yes can make you feel bitter. Just because, you chose to sacrifice your priorities for someone, doesn’t always mean they will value your time. This will in turn affect your relationship with that person.
Ever had that feeling when you ended up doing everything for someone and they didn’t feel grateful for your sacrifice? Sometimes, when we say yes because we couldn’t say no, we make half hearted efforts to please the other person. That doesn’t vibe high. So no one actually benefits from this kind of act. In times like this, it’s better to gather the courage to say ‘No’ than become bitter with respect to your relationships .
Having said that, when we say no, we need to have the courage to face the consequence. Decisions come in packages. If you say no to a family function, you have to be ready to face a tantrum/taunt with kindness. The consequence you face also depends on how well and clearly you communicate. There is a big difference when you say “i wish I could spend time with you, but I have another commitment” vs “no, I can’t do it”.
Type below “Being guilty is better than being bitter in relationships” if you agree.. if you disagree, let me know your thoughts on this.. would love to read your perspective.
DM me for a one-on-one session if you are struggling to weigh your consequences and show courage in your relationships.
For more about my work, visit: www.madhulikaappasani.com