Updated: Mar 10, 2020
Earlier this week, a young lady asked me a very relevant question:
“My mom says I am always blaming my brother. But I think I am making sense and only pointing out his mistakes. What in this is blaming?”
"Is it wrong to acknowledge that someone else screwed up!” Before I dive into what I told her, I want to first share my story. I’ve been consciously working on myself from over 3 years now. Even then, my husband points out that I am blaming occasionally. Quite often, I spontaneously go defensive. Not kidding. We all are human, and to err is human. What has changed though is I have gotten better at introspection, acknowledging that I blamed and acting upon it.
In retrospection, I am so grateful to my family who are brutally honest and point things out because it burst my ego and keeps me grounded and humble.
These are a few questions to ask yourself in a moment like this. Remember that you are your best judge. • Are you holding the other person responsible for what happened? • In your opinion, is your spouse/sibling/parent/child always wrong?
• During a fight, do you use bad words / words that lower others’ self-esteem?
• Every time you have a disagreement do you dig out all that happened in the past. • How do you describe a failed relationship? • Do you always assume the worst in a situation? • When someone tells you that you are blaming, do you defend yourself by listing out others mistakes?
If the answer to most of the above is ‘Yes’, the chances are your family is right. Acknowledging someone else screwed up is very different from blaming them.
The core of this comes from the attitude with which we look at the situation. Are we problem oriented or solution driven?
Blame by definition: feel or declare that (someone or something) is responsible for a fault or wrong. You can’t have it both ways, you can either blame and play the victim and be very right or you can focus on your part, step up and take personal responsibility. If and when you own it, you can change and not until then. The choice is yours! How do you introspect? Write your story in the comments section. Tag someone whom you think should read this
How do you introspect? Write your story in the comments section. Tag someone whom you think should read this.